Archives for the month of: December, 2012

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Let me introduce you to my father, Ken. Almost every sentence includes either “jesus christ” or “god damn.” One day he was making a peanut butter and honey sandwich. After getting it all over the knife and his hands, he finally demanded to know why it’s so sticky. I sat and pondered, and figured there’s someone he could pose that question to.

Winter Wonderland (11 minute video, canon XL1, FCP)

Here in Fenner, NY we’ve been visited by the most beautiful display of snow I’ve seen in years. Every square millimeter of surface area covered until the wind blows it off. Thigh deep snow, perfectly powdery for the skiers. I want to share this with all my dear friends and strangers who don’t have any snow out west or south or the more exotic places like Texas. Perhaps this can help calm you.

This film was edited down from 60 minutes of footage. The music is from Indian in the Machine (www.indianinthemachine.com) It’s now 11:30pm and the posting of my video may actually occur tomorrow(12/31), but it’s finished! Day 1 is a success! Thanks for watching!
Video:

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What am I doing with my life? Well, actually, a lot and not a lot. By not a lot, I feel like I’m not productive by society’s standards because I’m not “working.” But I’m also not mooching so I’m dormant in a neutral situation. By a lot, I mean I’ve been extremely fortunate in my life to use time while “disabled” by chronic ulcerative colitis to be still, observe life and myself for long periods, think, research and read about everything that interests me. I have never been bogged down by a career taking up my time.

I’ve been living at home with my parents now since December 2010. I just turned 35. While I have not steadily lived here my whole life, I’ve cycled back to my childhood home since leaving college. A month here and there, sometimes 3, or 6 and up to 2 years.

It’s most often been where I’d come back to after traveling and working overseas or taking on a seasonal job in some part of the country. In the past 8 years it has also been a place for me to work on healing since dealing with flare-ups with the colitis.

I’ve always loved art, have been pretty “good” at it by art teacher’s standards, and fell in love with filmmaking in grade 7, so I decided to study it. I occasionally work in the field, some freelance work or crewing on a film.

Last April, I began pursuing my certification to practise as a health couch, due to my healing experience. I feel I can help others learn how to heal themselves.

I don’t have any answers in life. The older I get , the more I understand we don’t have anything to “prove”, don’t need to try to impress others, no need to display notches in our so-called belts. Achievements that cannot be measured are the divine moments in life where you are one with yourself (with god) and what you witness penetrates you and becomes you. No words can make others “get it” Your experiencing these moments and not trying to escape them is what your contribution to life is, that’s your art. In this way, you allow others permission to do the same. If I spend the rest of my days without a shred of acknowledgment from another soul, it won’t matter. That’s my practise, to remember this. For me, nature and my SELF acknowledge me; validate me.

But…

There’s something missing, something major not making a connection in my life. I’ve sat with that, put it out to the universe, hoping for guidance or the strike of a brilliant idea, a random job offer. I come to a conclusion time and again that I am too critical of myself and probably others, and probably life at that. So I take on that fear and don’t try things I think I will not excell in. But by whose standards?? And I have no self-discipline.  It’s less of a negative outlook as it is ultimately an issue of handing over my trust and faith to those things that are out of my control. Handing them over to the Universe, the Multi-verse.

With that being said, an idea cracked into my mind. Influenced by the reading of Rin-Tin Tin, listening to a scene of the movie Julie & Julia in the background, where Julie takes on a year challenge to make one recipe in the cookbook each day.

I’m going to produce a piece of art every day for the next 30 days. Alone or with someone else, any medium, any idea. I’m open to being inspired by anything, and will practise acting on ideas and see it to the end. I don’t care if no one in the world likes it or sees it, or even if I like it or not. But I will make it, and post them on the internet to hold myself accountable, and hopefully put smiles on faces or inspire others.